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Are · the · stars · that · small, · after · all?
Answer me in Hiro Koue.
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I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my lids and all is born again. (I think I made you up inside my head.) The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.) God topples from the sky, hell’s fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan’s men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. I fancied you’d return the way you said.
But I grow old and forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.) I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.) |
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I'm 17. woot. I got a bunch of cool presents but that's not a real reason to blog. Here it is: my brother's going to Iraq until September 2006. He left Friday night, unable to go to my party. But he did get Sarah to buy me the journal I wanted so that's good. Needless to say, it was very upsetting news, but I'm glad that I at least got to see him at all.
a little good is that he's an officer, not just a soldier. he'll be behind fighting lines "working transportation", I believe he said. And while that makes us think of roadside bombings, he said that teh chances of something bad happening to him is liek the chances of getiing hit by a bus here.
It'll all be okay. Things always work themselves out. I know that.
But goddammit, Bush!
To know my brother is to love him. He is a beautiful, bright, funny, creative person. It's a shame he felt he had to give himself to the army (so he could go to college) because they do not know how special he is.
the happy of my birthday
okay now that i'm not so mopey.
what i got: my vancouver parents got me "Rock Star", "Donnie Darko:The Director's Cut", "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", (all on DVD) and "The Virgin Suicides" (on VHS). And a CD of The Brian Setzer Orchestra (swing, baby!). They also gave me a funny card and a sentimental card. It was great, except for Nevada not being there.
He paid Sarah to buy me the journal I wanted so he had a slight presence. Sarah got me a calendar, "The Bad Girl's Calender of 2006" It's a planner. Where my school planner ends, this will begin. Very practical.
The next day, my real birthday, the party with my mom, I got an MP3 player, but it doesn't work. It'd be so cool if it worked. It's supposed to turn on automatically when you hook it up but it doesn't. It has free customer service so I called it but they told me they can't help me (more or less), and I should go to the website and post on the forum and wait for a response. I have and I am. I am just out in the fucking cold. It would've been so cool but now we'll probably have to send it back and hope they judge it as defective so we can get one that works. But I'm getting a bad feeling that these things are defective a lot of the time. Fuuuuck. not really though. it's not bothering me that much. It's not really like Fuck. It's just like Dang.
My grandparents gave me a $50 Meier and Frank gift card. We went to Meier and Frank downtown and found me a good pair of jeans on sale for $25. I could've gotten the 7 because I looked cute in them but I got the 9 because they don't slouch in the back to show my crack when I sit down. It's a minority of girls that would've handled that decision in the same way. I got two of the same pair and I thought I'd use my whole card that way, but because Meier and Frank rules... there was an extra 20% off for the "birthday sale" ("hey, it's my birthday too!"), so I still had $10 on my card. And the cashier told me that if I spend more than $50, I get a $10 bonus. So I bought a $16 black zip-up fleece hoody (with $6 of help from grandma). so i still have $10. Meier and Frank rules. I wanna get another bra. I only bought one for back to school and I should have one to wear while one's in the wash. We went to Pioneer Place for food and I ended up in Claire's wit Hannah. I helped her decide on a fake nose ring for herself, a rainbow ring for Sarah and sparkly black cat earrings for me (they rule!!) My grandparents gave Hannah $20 and each of us got a package of altoids (?).
I got an REI gift card from my other grandparents (why? not even they know) so I'll get a sports bra (two years in cross country, never did get one of those... why... the uniforms had them built in! or spikes for track. i think spiked running shoes are only worth something in track. and what else would i buy from REI? my dad says "it's the disneyland of sporting goods stores." and i say that's like trying to get me excited about the disneyland of hardware stores)
I still have a letter from my Aunt Christy and Uncle Tim and one from my Aunt Susan and Uncle Phil. They came in teh mail and I haven't opened them yet. I'll open them when I get back to vancouver to round out the weekend with the last thing i have to open. I think there's money from Christy and Tim (I know there's confetti, my aunt's weird. my stepmom says "Open it outside!" I save the confetti... why? i'll find out when i get there) |
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Congratulations, Rachel! Your IQ score is 131 This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results. |
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You Are From Neptune |
You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability.
You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea.
Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion.
You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone.
If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.
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I should use my new icons... but instead... it will be as my mood is... |
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i am addicted to collecting icons. i have way too many... I guess they're waiting for me to get sick of this one. It's like how I kept collecting books faster than I could read them. What is wrong with me?! Obsess much? |
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I finally got "Oh, Inverted World"!!! Happy!!! And it's not a CD-R, I've got the album. Now I've got both albums, the "So Says I" single, and I'm getting the Wicker Park soundtrack burned from my sister because of the Shins' non-album track. So, I'll have all the Shins CDs there are. Without breaking the bank. Awesome. |
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i slept all day today (on and off, but still not a good sign for me). It usually means I'm really depressed. Not really really but enough that I don't want to deal with it directly. I think I actually don't want the movie to end. It did have it's fun moments. And I won't be doing any other acting any time soon. And the assistant director was so cool. It was fun just hanging around with the other people in it. Working (acting) felt good. Because I secretly want to be an actress on one hand but don't think it's ever going to happen on the other hand. My self-doubt is so crippling. |
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The movie is such crap. I am so sick of it and the the filmings today and yesterday were soooo long. I am so tired. My legs hurt so much. The pain... Yesterday I tried to update my journal but I was so tired that nothing I wrote made any sense. Maybe I should've updated anyway. Just to see what it ended up like. At least I only have one more filming and then it's over. I can't wait! It's gonna suck, though. I'm really dreading watching it. I just know I'll look terrible on film.
Today I had to go hours earlier than my call because I had to go with Sarah and her call was that much earlier. I had to wake up at 5. HELLL. And it takes about an hour to get there anyway. It's in Yamhill! Cow country! Waaaay out in the boonies! The house is beautiful, though. It's huuuge. An artist lives there. We're using it because we needed a barn. And we can play pickleball on their court. My legs feel like I've been running a ton. Maybe I was running in my sleep. I was restless, so to speak, but I didn't think I'd get this tightness of the muscles from that. Maybe because I keep sleeping on my grandparent's hard flat mattress.
I'll be home this Sunday. |
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Don't even think about reachin' me, I won't be home Don't even think about stoppin' by, don't think of me at all I did, what I had to do, if there was a reason, it was you... Aah...don't even think about gettin' inside
Voices in me head...ooh, voices
I got scratches, all over my arms
One for each day, since I fell apart
I did...oh, what I had to do, if there was a reason, it was you Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...oh...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, it was you... Hey...I did, what I had to do...oh, and if there was a reason
Oh, there wasn't no reason, no
And if, there's something you'd like to do
Just let me continue, to blame you Footsteps in the hall, it was you, you...oh...
Pictures on my chest, it was you, you...oh... -"Footsteps," Pearl Jam |
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haply_medicated's journal